Hello again, friends,

This month I’d like to talk about a solution to our god problems.

Let me start by saying that I don’t think it is wrong to believe in god, and in fact, I love the gods and goddesses, every single one of them. (If you love them all, then you’re covered for sure.) And how can you not love the gods? Sure, they started a lot of wars, sometimes got jealous and “smiteful,” and, of course…they gave us politicians.

On the other hand, just imagine all of the solace and wonder that deities have brought to humans over the course of history — a feeling of being loved, blessed, saved. Think of all of those suffering people who wandered the desert, homeless and hungry, but kept on going because they believed they were god’s chosen people on their way to a promised land; or the early Christians who walked out to face certain death in a lion’s jaws but knew that they were eternally saved by Jesus’s martyrdom; or a Kali devotee who knows in their heart that the goddess will bless them, if not in this life then the next; or the Sioux buffalo hunter who paid respects to the great spirit because that ritual would bring him meat to last the winter. Surely, over the centuries our deities have bestowed upon us a great many blessings — almost enough to make up for death.

The only real problem with the gods are some of the humans who believe in them. (But who’s fault are they?) Displaying a combination of ignorance and arrogance, people keep killing each other in the name of some particular god. These so called holy wars have taken place throughout human history, and you would think that by now we would realize that there have been many gods and goddesses, and that these deities change over time, and that no one tribe or people seems to have a permanent lock on the one true god, and especially not on god’s one true name.

Just think, the descendants of a family living near the Mediterranean during the last five millennia might have gone from believing, successively, in a god named Chronos, and then Zeus, then Jupiter, then Jehovah, and then later adding Jesus. As with nation states, even among the gods there is occasional regime change. Indeed, the relativity of the gods was noticed way back in the fifth century B.C. by the historian Xenophanes, who wrote, “The Ethiopians say that their gods are black, the Thracians that theirs have light blue eyes and red hair.” And your gods, what do they look like?

And why should anybody care if someone uses a different name for god? Certainly god doesn’t care. I simply can’t imagine any respectable deity saying with menace, “Hey buddy, what did you call me?” Why should anybody be bothered if someone calls god Omega, Felix, or The Whole Megillah. There is a chance that god doesn’t even have a name. There’s even a good chance that god isn’t a being, or at least not some human-like being. Do we think we are so good-looking that a god — who could look like anything or nothing — would actually want to look like us? “Vanity of all vanities,” sayeth the preacher.

So how do we deal with our current glut of deities and the tumultuous clashing of true believers? I have a modest suggestion: Let’s call all the gods together and hold a summit meeting. Maybe it could be held on Mt. Olympus or somewhere in the Himalayas where there are already a lot of gods around who could host the gathering. (There will have to be separate tables: Bacchus needs wine, whereas some of the other gods won’t touch the stuff; Demeter wants corn for dinner, Jehovah likes lamb; Zoroaster wants candles for a centerpiece, while Thor would like an ice sculpture.)

Once we got all the gods together, we would beseech them — all of us beseeching our own particular deity — to do humanity a great big favor and decide on a common name. Since I’m the only one working on this project, I will offer a suggestion.  First of all, if you’ll notice, many of the names we already use for deities end in the syllable “ah.” Brahma; Jehovah; Allah; Tara; Athena; Krishna. So maybe we could get all the gods to accept the common nickname “Ah.”

It’s a perfect name. “Ah” is the first sound that most of us make when we are born, “w…aaaah!” and the last sound we make as we die, crying or sighing, “ahhh….” So, our first and last breaths would automatically become a prayer. Totally Ah-some!

Another possibility is to give our highest deity the name “Ma,” which is the same word in almost all human languages, referring to mother. Then, instead of looking up as we pray, toward “our father who art in heaven,” we would look down at mother earth, the womb of all life, the goddess Gaia. (There’s another “ah,” for you.) Maybe we could even use both names, Ah and Ma. “Ah Ma! Ma Ah! Ah-ha Ma!” The possibilities for songs and praises are endless. 

AhMa to you, dear friend! 

And Amen!!

And if you don’t like the news go out and make some of your own. 

Wes